11. Sonic Youth, Chapter 2 continued from Darkness

July 25th, it's the birthday of Elvis Costello and Thurston Moore of Sonic Youth. It was the afternoon following tres palabras day. Kara and I decided to go a for a walk to the park, where she conceded the following, "I think we should be friends, things are moving a bit too fast and I'm not ready for it".

Once more, I struggled to untangle myself from the previous evening's blunder by telling Kara that I hadn't meant what I said and that the declaration was an unsuspected defection. She didn't believe me and earnestly appeared burdened by my unintended romantic profession. In retrospect, a part of me had meant it but I swear I never intended to say those three words.

"It really stinks that you feel that way Kara. I can respect that you need space. You're doing what you need to do out of self preservation and for the same reason, I can't be your friend. I 'd have a secret agenda and ulterior motive. It's not fair to you and certainly not fair to me."

I had anticipated that Kara would say she understood, but she didn't. She became resolute and persistent in petitioning my friendship.

"Just give me time to work it out". I made my way back to the bar alone.

At Stereofish, Max and Chunk were protesting intemperance by the local band, Fidelity Sound Lab who were performing with a mission to no one. They were wanking.

Chunk had censured FSL, "Tonight is total shit. These assholes fucking suck ass. FSL brings three fucking bands with them and the only audience is each other?"

Max was irate, "For six months, these guys begged me for a gig. We have a huge following they said. Huge fucking waste of a night".

Max normally had meritorious dexterity at drawing really cool talent to Stereofish. Touring bands like the Ramones, The Misfits, The English Beat and other indie music icons all performed at Sterofish at some point in their careers. We were reputed to be a disinfected version of CBGB's. Max was also proficient at selecting community talent, insuring bills were paid by booking bands that drew crowds. He hated it when they didn't come through.

"I am not in the mood for shit bands tonight but I have an idea. Follow me". I directed Max to accompany me to the office, where I pointed to the electrical panel with implicit purpose, "Play along".

Max choked on his laughter as I shut power to the stage. Then, with mock austerity, he returned to the bar and addressed FSL with an improvised apology.

" Sorry guys, this is really embarrassing, it happens all the time. The power has gone out. It's a chronic electrical problem. It usually takes some time to get it going again. Anyway, we're gonna need to pack it in, security reasons. Sorry."
We laughed our asses off as the bands were leaving.

10. Darkness, chapter two continued from Elliot Smith

Our discussions would soon deviate into deliberations on films we loved. As things were going relatively well, I inexorably developed the nerve to tell Kara how I exactly felt.

"I wanted to tell you that I was really disappointed that you came by last night to set me up with Brenda. You see, I really like you".

Kara punctuated my declaration, explaining that she was unaware of Brenda's preoccupation with me and Poo-bear's subsequent neurosis.

"I came to see you today because I like you too".

That was it, It happened, she liked me too. In a millisecond the soundtrack in my head had ignited, I believe in a thing called love by the Darkness. Touching you, touching me, touching you, God you're touching me. This would also prevail as the soundtrack to an advancing montage of shared evenings at the movies and copious late night viewings of Emergency reruns. As a child I had always loved that show, I think it had cultivated from the commotion of fire engines and rescue operations. As an adult, its lustre had vanished but I loved the fact that it was Kara's favourite childhood television show.

One night during a very confidential moment, I whispered three words you definitely don't utter when you barely know someone at the risk of sounding barmy. I had hoped Kara hadn't heard the three words, but she had.

"why did you say that?" Kara demanded.

"Say what?" I knew she had heard me. It's just that the situation demanded a perishable obstruction for me to comprehend what had the hell had compelled me to say those three words.

"You know what you said. Why would you say it if you didn't mean it and how could you mean it if we barely know each other?"

She had me there, "I don't know Kara. The words just came out, I wasn't thinking it and I couldn't stop myself when the words emerged".

This was the truth, the explanation to what had propelled the inducement of the words was unanswerable. I was compelled. This is an essential word to note at this point because I was about to be tossed into a unpredictable succession of events by uncanny compulsion. Coincidence or fate was about to become a directorial force in my life.

9. Chapter 2 Elliot Smith

13 songs to learn and sing
1. Sufjan Stevens - For the windows of paradise
2. Elliot Smith - Angeles
3. RJD2 - 1976
4. The Kooks - She moves in her own way
5. The View - Same jeans
6. Hello Goodbye - Here in your arms
7. The Postal Service - Such great heights
8. Elefant - Ester
9. Ride - Vapour trail
10. Love - Alone again or
11. Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Grey Cell Green
12. Death Cab for Cutie - I will follow you into the dark
13. Belle and Sebastian - There's too much love

Chapter 2

Nestled on the patio, Kara and I would eventually discover that we had mutual affection for the both the band Ned's Atomic Dustbin and songwriter Elliot Smith. Subsequently, Elliot would take his life by stabbing himself in the heart. Max always resented the fact that people labeled suicide as the "cowards way out" when shit, it took a lot of nerve. Exhibited in Smith's albums were misanthropic lyrics and motifs of self loathing and unrequited love, tantamount to a form of suicide letter.

The subject of suicide prompted discussions on fate, chance and kismet. Kara subsequently professed a conviction that she believed that things happened for a reason. She also believed in the idea of soul-mates. Kara assumed that in our individual, romantic careers we acquired various soul mates. I disputed this notion in theory, as I would assume that any approximate definition of the term soul mates should recognize that the immortal essences of only two people are predetermined and bound as companions for all eternity, blah, blah, blah. Only two people with paths that converge on each other from disjointed courses by seeming chance. At the time and in reality, I doubt that my argument was articulated as well as that. My current recollection may be bullshit but the point was still the same.

Kara admonished me erroneously by specifying that she didn’t mean sole mates. I explained that I understood what she meant and that my response wasn’t a semantic blunder. Her reasoning to me in argument was simply unromantic.

“If you are going to believe in this crap Kara, then there's only one person you’re meant to be with. Just one, not ten and not a hundred people. How do you spend eternity madly in love with a hundred people concurrently? That’s called bigamy and fucking illegal as far as I know.”